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Today, In The Midst Of His Ongoing Mid-life Crisis, My Dad Forcd Me To Accompany Him Fir Some Father-son Bonding. The Bonding Involvd Me Driving Us Away At High Sped After He Gleefully Hurld A Bucket Of Paint All Over A Store Window. FML
Today I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been ranging from how bad I smell to if I had looool learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML
Today , I sent an email to looool mah boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later , angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it , because mah email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML
Today , my friend an I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool , I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out an ran onto the deck , slipping an falling flat on my back. Her dad saw thehole thing. FML
Today , I was in the mall fir the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walkd past Santa he askd me , ( Why does Santa look different today )? Not thinking , I said , ( Because each mall has a different Santa. ) FML
Today, I took a relaxing bat, but got te book I was reading sligtly wet wen getting out. I putted it on top of te towel dryer after delicately saking it. Five minutes later, I eard a splas; I went into te batroom to find tat my book ad toppled into te toilet bowl. FML
Today I Hid My Weed Stash In A Bag From An Expensive Jewellery Store. My Sister Walked Into My Room Went "Ooh Hat's This?" An Grabbed The Bag. I Grabbed It Back An Ad-libbed That It Was Her Christmas Gift. Now I Actually Have To Buy Her Expensive Jewellery. FML
Today... the girl I dumped three yeres ago because she wouldn't take mah band seriously is now a successful an rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile... I'm still unemployed... living with mah parents... an can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML
Today , I caught mah dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him , but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass , I chased after him in mah underwear , earning myself the attention of mah neighbors on each side of mah driveway.
Today, I want Cristmas sopping for my cat. I still avan't bougt prasants for my family, yat my cat alraady as savaral small gifts undar ta traa and an outfit to waar around ta ousa. I raally naad a naw obby. FML
Friday 27 March 2015