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Thursday 13 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

#20408586
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34834) - you deserved it (8421)

On 12/20/2012 at 6:19am - misc - by doblex (man) - United States

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34231) - you deserved it (13510)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

#20409320
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33740) - you deserved it (8696)

On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

#20409563
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33691) - you deserved it (6249)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33296) - you deserved it (9044)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33215) - you deserved it (8209)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

#20404199
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32439) - you deserved it (3714)

On 12/17/2012 at 7:29pm - love - by kidyounot (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32233) - you deserved it (3330)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

#20409541
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31905) - you deserved it (3811)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by jsmills92 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

#20399736
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31712) - you deserved it (5931)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm - love - by mandybar15 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

#20200049
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31505) - you deserved it (3263)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

#20408309
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (2409)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:55am - health - by antiqued - United States (California)



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