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Thursday 6 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19827) - you deserved it (9663)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after weeks of begging, I finally got an interview at my dream job. Turns out, they only agreed to interview me because they thought I was someone else. FML

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

#20192265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19597) - you deserved it (3737)

On 12/05/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by JessThompson - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

#20189035
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19366) - you deserved it (2077)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:17am - misc - by Stupendous_ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18865) - you deserved it (2487)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

#20190350
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18494) - you deserved it (1879)

On 12/04/2012 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18434) - you deserved it (5185)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML

#20195266
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18345) - you deserved it (8621)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:10pm - health - by i see fat people (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

#20188897
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18071) - you deserved it (2480)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:18am - health - by Gahh... (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

#20201213
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17746) - you deserved it (7505)

On 12/11/2012 at 10:50pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17094) - you deserved it (3231)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

#20193519
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16856) - you deserved it (2779)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by chinousmc - United States (Florida)



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