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Tuesday 27 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20933) - you deserved it (2924)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

#20186305
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20826) - you deserved it (1686)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:00am - misc - by hinowdie - United States

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20611) - you deserved it (3001)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20429) - you deserved it (27166)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

#20189035
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20195) - you deserved it (2148)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:17am - misc - by Stupendous_ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

#20189404
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20176) - you deserved it (1783)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20047) - you deserved it (2602)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

#20190350
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19955) - you deserved it (2012)

On 12/04/2012 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

#20186264
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19456) - you deserved it (2038)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:35am - work - by CheddarJack89 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19355) - you deserved it (4515)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

#20184989
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19260) - you deserved it (1467)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29am - misc - by Rachael (woman) - Australia



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