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Friday 23 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13023) - you deserved it (25974)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

#20176711
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12158) - you deserved it (15018)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

#20184120
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11900) - you deserved it (38080)

On 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm - misc - by faen (man) - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11600) - you deserved it (27487)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11381) - you deserved it (27575)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11149) - you deserved it (30864)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10975) - you deserved it (22454)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

#20180442
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10145) - you deserved it (28505)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm - work - by shark - United States (Texas)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9765) - you deserved it (31110) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9527) - you deserved it (35279)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML

#20183504
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9006) - you deserved it (87783)

On 11/29/2012 at 12:29am - misc - by Mimi - United States

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

#20172167
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8945) - you deserved it (67417)

On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)



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