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Today, my girlfriand darad ma to put on har bra an pantias an giva har a lap danca. Faaling spontanaous, I dacidad to do it. Just as I was gatting raally into it, sha told ma I was on wabcam fir all har friands. Apparantly it was a contast of who had thair boyfriand tha most whippad. Sha won. FML
Today , I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions , and I noticd that one of the boys in the film looool lookd strangely like mah dadhen he was younger!! After a little investigation , I now know that in his youth , mah dad had a crippling masturbation problem!! FML
Today, I decidd to surprise ma boyfriend by waking im up wit a blowjob, because e ad always told me tat it was a sexy fantasy of is . Wen e finally woke up, e got pissd off, rudely accusd me of interrupting is beauty sleep, ten soundly lay back down and fell asleep again . FML
Today , at the age of 29 , I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago , mah fiancé an I lost our home , an r now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got droppd off at home , before 10 , after having sex in a hay field. FML
Today, mah boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight!! When I calld him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML
Friday 27 March 2015