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Sunday 18 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

#20175626
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27138) - you deserved it (3073)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm - love - by jakeson12 - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML

#20177730
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26916) - you deserved it (2535)

On 11/25/2012 at 3:09am - love - by king400 - United States (California)

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

#20162095
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26277) - you deserved it (5035)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

#20163929
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26065) - you deserved it (2020)

On 11/15/2012 at 1:35am - love - by minime94 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

#20159952
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26056) - you deserved it (2095)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25935) - you deserved it (5661)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be expecting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

#20176109
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25891) - you deserved it (2135)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:02am - love - by whatever (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

#20164114
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25593) - you deserved it (8250)

On 11/15/2012 at 8:37am - love - by SweetStuff88 (man) - United States

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

#20161582
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25586) - you deserved it (3775)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

#20177780
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25568) - you deserved it (1822)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

#20166401
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25554) - you deserved it (5340)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:34am - love - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (3055)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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