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Friday 16 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, yet again, mah boss whined to me lyk a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

#20165849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29044) - you deserved it (5535)

On 11/16/2012 at 8:06pm - work - by wow @ creepy fuckers (man) - United States

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from mah daughter after he grabbd her and startd shoving her around . I complaind to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind yur fucking business" and say that her son can dohatever the hell he wants . FML

#20168309
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29028) - you deserved it (1629)

On 11/18/2012 at 4:22pm - kids - by WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I received mah first ever hand-job!! It would have been great if she didn't wipe it acros mah facehen I had finished and storm out of the room!! mega FML

2day a nearby volcano eruptd 4 the second time. We were all urgd to keep our windows and doors closd in case of ash clouds. My father respondd by opening every window and door and shouting , "Come at me , bro!" FML

#20171802
171 comments

Yastarday, I had to taka my littla brothar to tha pool. Ha actad lyk a brat tha whola tima, an whan I told him wa wara laaving, ha ran away, slippad, an hit his faca on tha tila floor. Ha told my dad an stap-mom I punchad him. Thay baliavad him, an I'm groundad 4 two months. FML

#20167155
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28090) - you deserved it (1700)

On 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, ma dad asked me to send ma mom a text since e was driving and I was in te passenger seat . I pulled up ma mom's contact on is pone, and I found tat ma mom ad recently sent ma dad a picture of er jugs, along wit te message, "We miss you."

#20164798
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28033) - you deserved it (2319)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm - love - by Sexting Parents - United States (New Jersey)

yesterday in break from tradition... I proposd to mah boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on mah knee... after pouring mah heart out... he lookd wistfully out over the water an said... "So... I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28019) - you deserved it (5899)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)

I realizd I'd put on my shrt on inside out... so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off... I accidentally droppd it in the toilet. mega looool FML

#20169668
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27699) - you deserved it (5314)

On 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today... I caught teenage daughter smoking... and trid calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad 4 her health. She replid with... ( It doesn't harm u if your under 20. ) FML

#20174862
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27576) - you deserved it (4362)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today... my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat... he also got inside the car an sat next to my date... pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time... an walked me back to the house. My mom laughed an gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, mah "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use mah phone to text mah girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to mah side of the story. fat FML

#20175626
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27196) - you deserved it (3076)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm - love - by jakeson12 - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today... mah crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told mah parents to act normal 4 one night. Apparently... "normal" is strutting around naked and acting lyk a chicken. FML

#20166401
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27117) - you deserved it (5554)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:34am - love - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found a woundd turkey in our backyard . I brought it inside, puttd it in a cage, and tendd to its wounds . I then left . When I got back home, I smelld the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking . She had prepard a turkey, the one I'd rescud . FML

#20162095
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26691) - you deserved it (5085)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)



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