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Monday 5 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

#20156290
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17501) - you deserved it (2789)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by baby, baby no (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (6541)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17122) - you deserved it (40583)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

#20157215
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16831) - you deserved it (3964)

On 11/10/2012 at 6:02am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

#20159578
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16755) - you deserved it (5512)

On 11/11/2012 at 9:16pm - love - by x (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

#20153506
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16729) - you deserved it (2790)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm - work - by Owen - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

#20154549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16679) - you deserved it (3856)

On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

#20158574
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16569) - you deserved it (1885)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16400) - you deserved it (5713)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16369) - you deserved it (1725)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

#20160435
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16304) - you deserved it (2079)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm - health - by Emily - United States (California)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15931) - you deserved it (1423)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

#20156617
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15785) - you deserved it (1974)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm - health - by dating a fking cnt (man) - Canada



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