Choose the period

Saturday 27 October 2012

Choose a category

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

by mistickfae / 10/29/2012 at 2:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

by buccaneer / 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML

by hating labels / 10/23/2012 at 4:21am / Australia / Kids

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

by afraidofcans / 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

by Nice Guy / 10/29/2012 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 12:24am / United States (New Mexico) / Love

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

by Medic / 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 9:09am / United States / Health

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

by annoyed / 11/02/2012 at 6:37am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

by tmi. / 11/01/2012 at 9:52am / Australia / Work

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 5:58am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

by Miss Spasticator / 10/26/2012 at 4:49pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous