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Saturday 27 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

#20132312
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23868) - you deserved it (16494)

On 10/25/2012 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

#20135099
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23739) - you deserved it (6875)

On 10/27/2012 at 2:42am - work - by geena - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

#20137235
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23725) - you deserved it (3397)

On 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm - love - by cupnoodles (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23633) - you deserved it (3236)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

#20145644
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23579) - you deserved it (1724)

On 11/03/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by xXfloatingshitlogXx (woman) - Norway (Akershus)

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

#20145916
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23497) - you deserved it (4979)

On 11/03/2012 at 3:42pm - health - by WeddingWoes (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (5178)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

#20130407
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (2596)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm - love - by SFra - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

#20127937
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23195) - you deserved it (1585)

On 10/22/2012 at 5:01am - love - by reserved - United States (California)

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

#20133890
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23190) - you deserved it (1915)

On 10/26/2012 at 3:58am - health - by Weasel123 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

#20131269
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23108) - you deserved it (3041)

On 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by Alice - United Kingdom

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

#20127982
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22932) - you deserved it (1510)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22803) - you deserved it (4072)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States



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