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Saturday 27 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28939) - you deserved it (4724)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

#20130811
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28739) - you deserved it (2442)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:15am - kids - by BobsBabe2 - United States

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (1507)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

#20146254
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28614) - you deserved it (2947)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - love - by markderanjer (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

#20138384
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28609) - you deserved it (1839)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:03am - misc - by StormSeason (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28315) - you deserved it (4568)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28180) - you deserved it (2926)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27968) - you deserved it (4998)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

#20143313
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27896) - you deserved it (2247)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27835) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (5022)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (2508)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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