Friday 13 April 2012 
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Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8114) - you deserved it (28472)
On 04/17/2012 at 4:29am - love - by OL2R - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7609) - you deserved it (21791)
On 04/09/2012 at 4:28am - animals - by stupidbug. (man) - Canada
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7560) - you deserved it (22255)
On 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm - misc - by marymark - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7357) - you deserved it (14440)
On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (17602)
On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7278) - you deserved it (14401)
On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6794) - you deserved it (28771)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6749) - you deserved it (21853)
On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)
Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6531) - you deserved it (16489)
On 04/13/2012 at 6:32am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6287) - you deserved it (13314)
On 04/19/2012 at 8:37am - health - by Burp (woman) - United States
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6132) - you deserved it (27249)
On 04/11/2012 at 12:46pm - work - by Spudzy (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6067) - you deserved it (16859)
On 04/14/2012 at 11:02pm - misc - by al (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6014) - you deserved it (19012)
On 04/15/2012 at 11:29am - misc - by Salvation711 - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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