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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

#21407402
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (2567)

On 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm - love - by forever alone (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26538) - you deserved it (8687)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

#21404939
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26436) - you deserved it (2780)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26391) - you deserved it (5500)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26346) - you deserved it (3943)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26184) - you deserved it (9448)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26057) - you deserved it (3892)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26040) - you deserved it (3057)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

#21404625
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26014) - you deserved it (1866)

On 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm - misc - by Malíya - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

#21410948
68 comments

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

#21404795
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (2532)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm - kids - by JustSom - United States (Virginia)



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