Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38244) - you deserved it (5279)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38038) - you deserved it (11158)
On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37899) - you deserved it (7526)
On 05/10/2013 at 12:44am - work - by legit247 - United States (Missouri)
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37840) - you deserved it (2553)
On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37852) - you deserved it (4856) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37697) - you deserved it (2801)
On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37686) - you deserved it (2675)
On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37620) - you deserved it (8417)
On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)
Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37359) - you deserved it (2790)
On 04/30/2013 at 10:50pm - misc - by creepycrawley247 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37341) - you deserved it (2643)
On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37326) - you deserved it (4878)
On 05/16/2013 at 12:31am - money - by astalkerindeed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37260) - you deserved it (1803)
On 05/09/2013 at 7:18pm - health - by iLikeMyLegs - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37121) - you deserved it (4653)
On 05/11/2013 at 5:52am - misc - by GaveAnInchTakeAMile (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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