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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60608) - you deserved it (5452)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

#20727770
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60596) - you deserved it (9433)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

#20745284
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60593) - you deserved it (4156)

On 06/24/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by Creepedout - United States (Florida)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

#20742609
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60236) - you deserved it (3938)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

#20733192
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60184) - you deserved it (8406)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

#20703566
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60138) - you deserved it (5901)

On 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm - money - by future burger flipper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

#20698551
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59971) - you deserved it (5019)

On 06/01/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

#20721457
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59724) - you deserved it (8559)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:47pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

#20715175
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59664) - you deserved it (10140)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59069) - you deserved it (3586)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

#20702606
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58915) - you deserved it (6830)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:31am - love - by BadBoyfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58653) - you deserved it (4192)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58469) - you deserved it (16121)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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