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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

#20656960
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52529) - you deserved it (8883)

On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52221) - you deserved it (4055)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52137) - you deserved it (5063)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52100) - you deserved it (11296)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

#20664979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52012) - you deserved it (10119)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

#20683515
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51854) - you deserved it (15735)

On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51634) - you deserved it (8827)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML

#20690610
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51382) - you deserved it (6041)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:05am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51037) - you deserved it (9935)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

#20692497
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50895) - you deserved it (5152)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:49am - money - by $$$ - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

#20663501
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50872) - you deserved it (3085)

On 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

#20675748
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50760) - you deserved it (17309)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50747) - you deserved it (4187)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)



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