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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32322) - you deserved it (4471)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

#20505207
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32296) - you deserved it (5277)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by kenyaliving - Kenya

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

#20495428
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32251) - you deserved it (33956)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32238) - you deserved it (28732)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

#20525408
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32115) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

#20517490
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32096) - you deserved it (3956)

On 02/22/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

#20501411
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32090) - you deserved it (4280)

On 02/10/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by must be adopted (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

#20491470
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32034) - you deserved it (2033)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:22am - work - by TheBaconater - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

#20502144
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31972) - you deserved it (3948)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

#20497093
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31893) - you deserved it (2477)

On 02/07/2013 at 2:44pm - animals - by shaviTuT (woman) - Malaysia (Johor)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31849) - you deserved it (4120)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31844) - you deserved it (20511)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia



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