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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12855) - you deserved it (42206)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

#20461976
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12403) - you deserved it (48141)

On 01/16/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

#20485916
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12166) - you deserved it (55662)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12084) - you deserved it (41704)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

#20449927
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12008) - you deserved it (29928)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by drake86 - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

#20446490
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11971) - you deserved it (34631)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by james88 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

#20487007
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11943) - you deserved it (26272)

On 01/30/2013 at 11:02pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (33618)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10546) - you deserved it (39121)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

#20443594
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10423) - you deserved it (24787)

On 01/05/2013 at 10:59am - misc - by nomegusta (woman) - United States

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

#20450098
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10190) - you deserved it (60130)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)



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