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Today I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her she really was a girl and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34.
today I learnd my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap.. . which is like a long strip of bandage . I learnd this when she trid to pass it in the yard today.. . and could only do so with my help . It seemd to never end . FML
Today, I went on anoter date wit a guy I've ad a crus on 4 a long time . Afterwards, we went back to ma place 4 te first time and tings got eated . Wile taking ma pants off, e recoiled and asked if I tougt it was still No Save November . FML
Today I got ome only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming te freezing streets calling is name I returned to fine im stuck beind te couc wit my cewed-up new soes in is muzzle. real FML
Today, wife has the flu,hile I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as toho's more contagious andho should take care of her as to get her sick. Yay fir the entre day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. big fat FML
Today, mah daughter trid to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was cuz a hot coal somehow workd its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. real FML
I went for a ceckup after aving recently been fitted wit dental implants. Te oral surgeon I cose was supposedly te best in te area, but it turns out tat e inserted te implants at te wrong angle. Now I ave to ave furter surgery to correct it. FML
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close shehispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Friday 27 March 2015