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December 2012

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Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin . I guess I got slightly carried away, cuz I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of face, up nose and into eye . FML

Today , mah boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot an killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward an uncomfortable , I blurted , "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

#20191114
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10984) - you deserved it (21073)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)

Today I Hid My Weed Stash In A Bag From An Expensive Jewellery Store. My Sister Walked Into My Room Went "Ooh Hat's This?" An Grabbed The Bag. I Grabbed It Back An Ad-libbed That It Was Her Christmas Gift. Now I Actually Have To Buy Her Expensive Jewellery. FML

#20405613
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10962) - you deserved it (57967)

On 12/18/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by junkie (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of local groceries store 4 employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicappd, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

#20190915
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10929) - you deserved it (29086)

On 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Vassy (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today... the girl I dumped three yeres ago because she wouldn't take mah band seriously is now a successful an rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile... I'm still unemployed... living with mah parents... an can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10809) - you deserved it (74331)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Taday I woke up with looool a hangover from hell. My cloths were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

#20418077
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10713) - you deserved it (36892)

On 12/24/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by chunderful202 - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I baked some regular brownies fir mah friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed mah room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. mega FML

#20411716
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10456) - you deserved it (35412)

On 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by mateyouremental - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , I caught mah dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him , but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass , I chased after him in mah underwear , earning myself the attention of mah neighbors on each side of mah driveway.

#20408937
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10251) - you deserved it (28426)

On 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm - misc - by ScoozieBooze (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today , I went to church 4 the frst time in mah life!! They had a Jesus statue at the altar , an I noticed he was surprisingly muscular!! Ten minutes later , I had to excuse myself , after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus!! FML

#20432015
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10239) - you deserved it (34672)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today , I woke up tinking ma ouse was on fire cuz I could ear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was te fireplace cannel I left on last nigt so I could wake up to a Cristmas ambiance. FML

#20422230
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10208) - you deserved it (31306)

On 12/25/2012 at 9:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Taday I was on ma favourita forum wan I saw a guy ranting at soma pro-lifar fanatic. For fun, I rapliad "umad bro?" apparantly momants aftar ta forum foundar also laft an angry raply. I'm now bannad 4 a mont 4 "trolling ta foundar" and all ma posts ava vanisad witout a traca. FML

#20416791
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10149) - you deserved it (32487)

On 12/23/2012 at 5:24pm - misc - by you fuckhobbit (man) - United Kingdom

Today , While Lighting A Cigarette , I Learned The Hard Way That The Amount Of Styling Mousse I Used To Get My Curly Hair To Become Manageable , Is The Roughly Same Amount That Causes It To Become Highly Flammable. FML

#20186892
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9630) - you deserved it (27316)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:11pm - health - by Awkward (woman) - Bahrain

Today, ma boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. Wen I signed te paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand er writing, wic apparently said se was getting treated for "dangerously low level of dick". FML

#20434482
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9564) - you deserved it (21668)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by offtothejobcentre (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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