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Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on mah left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited 4 me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML
Today, I Was Sleeping On An Airplane. I Dreamed That I Was Running Mah Hands Up And Down Mah Friend's Leg Sexually To Creep Him Out. I Woke Up And I Realized That I Was Running Mah Hand Up And Down The Leg Of The Old Man Sitting Next To Me.
Today I told mah boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious he's been sereching fir high-calorie foods fir babies. FML
Today, it's mah wedding anniversary; mah husband forgot . My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses an said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate . My daughter is more romantic an thoughtful than mah own husband . FML
Today, it was first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes an vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They r still laughing. mega FML
Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier startd flirting with me an askd me for mah number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After looool walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants r unzippd." mega FML
2day whila at tha airport waiting fir my flight, I sat down naxt to a mothar an har son. As I pulld out a watar bottla, sha laand ovar to har son an said, "Promisa ma u will navar do what tha looool man naxt to u just did." I hava no idaa what tha hall I did wrong. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015