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November 2012

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Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11277) - you deserved it (27354)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

#20149916
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11100) - you deserved it (40914)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:15am - intimacy - by coolguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10962) - you deserved it (26373)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

#20184120
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10885) - you deserved it (35704)

On 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm - misc - by faen (man) - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10319) - you deserved it (21555)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10109) - you deserved it (28878)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

#20180442
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10076) - you deserved it (26816)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm - work - by shark - United States (Texas)

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9749) - you deserved it (26111)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9227) - you deserved it (42945)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up with a vague memory of buying something last night while drunk. According to my credit card summary I made a $270 purchase from a home shopping channel. I guess in 5-7 days I'll find out what it was. FML

#20147165
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9041) - you deserved it (25609)

On 11/04/2012 at 11:37am - money - by fnfantastic - United States (Indiana)

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

#20153207
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8999) - you deserved it (19854)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:00am - money - by stuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

#20172167
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8875) - you deserved it (66932)

On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)



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