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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

#20115885
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30071) - you deserved it (4150)

On 10/14/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Light Sleeper - United States (Indiana)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29711) - you deserved it (7327)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29654) - you deserved it (3059)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

#20122984
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29615) - you deserved it (1841)

On 10/18/2012 at 7:52pm - money - by BrokeAsFuck - United States

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

#20113152
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29603) - you deserved it (2131)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

#20124966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29468) - you deserved it (2106)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:49am - love - by Enragedbitch - United States (California)

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

#20120633
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29444) - you deserved it (3443)

On 10/17/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by bastardchild_01 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29422) - you deserved it (3657)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29250) - you deserved it (2790)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29244) - you deserved it (5172)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29200) - you deserved it (3805)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

#20101066
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29169) - you deserved it (5872)

On 10/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by Chamorru (man) - United States

Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML



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