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October 2012

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Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27032) - you deserved it (6949)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

#20115456
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26992) - you deserved it (1470)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

#20122984
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26981) - you deserved it (1632)

On 10/18/2012 at 7:52pm - money - by BrokeAsFuck - United States

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

#20101066
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26980) - you deserved it (5558)

On 10/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by Chamorru (man) - United States

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26848) - you deserved it (1898)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

#20124966
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26780) - you deserved it (1899)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:49am - love - by Enragedbitch - United States (California)

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (4936)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26615) - you deserved it (3494)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26609) - you deserved it (2542)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

#20137933
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26594) - you deserved it (3251)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by becca (woman) - United States

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

#20109154
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26577) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

#20109957
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26431) - you deserved it (1747)

On 10/10/2012 at 12:15am - work - by caltech (woman) - United States (California)



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