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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31281) - you deserved it (6240)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31101) - you deserved it (3801)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

#20110068
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (8524)

On 10/10/2012 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Depression... (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

#20098929
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30963) - you deserved it (2523)

On 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by praise the prenup (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30888) - you deserved it (1764)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

#20113249
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (2826)

On 10/12/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by You're NOT getting lucky today hun (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30722) - you deserved it (5933)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

#20136326
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30535) - you deserved it (6548)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

#20138384
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30437) - you deserved it (1984)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:03am - misc - by StormSeason (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

#20133203
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30265) - you deserved it (2498)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29969) - you deserved it (4969)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29936) - you deserved it (4538)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

#20107387
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29871) - you deserved it (3691)

On 10/08/2012 at 12:39pm - love - by unlucky - United States (Michigan)



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