Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23996) - you deserved it (2298)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23935) - you deserved it (3001)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

#20140254
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23790) - you deserved it (3503)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

#20129928
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23717) - you deserved it (7633)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23668) - you deserved it (1788)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I realized I might lose my job because some asshole customer complained about me to my district manager. His complaint? Girls can't work at video game stores. My DM agreed. FML

#20098150
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23629) - you deserved it (1621)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:11am - work - by GamerTag (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

#20124733
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (10345)

On 10/20/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

#20130811
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23608) - you deserved it (2014)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:15am - kids - by BobsBabe2 - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23590) - you deserved it (3106)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

#20104660
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23517) - you deserved it (1597)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:58pm - animals - by banj0 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

#20101904
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (2207)

On 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm - love - by imafunguy (man) - United States

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (3049)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23450) - you deserved it (1651)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: