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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24215) - you deserved it (2103)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

#20077204
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24200) - you deserved it (1911)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:25am - love - by daughter (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24199) - you deserved it (2743)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24188) - you deserved it (4175)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

#20089658
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (2821)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Juiced (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

#20074793
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24113) - you deserved it (2365)

On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24084) - you deserved it (2798)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24083) - you deserved it (1881)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

#20058422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24029) - you deserved it (1545)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by holymoly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

#20087510
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24026) - you deserved it (2340)

On 09/25/2012 at 12:13am - health - by N/A (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24016) - you deserved it (3664)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

#20060753
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23915) - you deserved it (1685)

On 09/06/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23887) - you deserved it (2085)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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