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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

#20090890
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28392) - you deserved it (2064)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

#20051466
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28286) - you deserved it (2282)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

#20085042
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28270) - you deserved it (2148)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by creepedasfuck (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28056) - you deserved it (27915)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

#20054615
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28029) - you deserved it (4643)

On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my manager and I have synchronized menstrual cycles. She gets extremely bitchy, and I get extremely vulnerable and emotional - she yells at me and I burst into tears. FML

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

#20093027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28000) - you deserved it (2216)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:08am - health - by cedechan (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

#20066134
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27952) - you deserved it (2206)

On 09/10/2012 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

#20076675
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27918) - you deserved it (2582)

On 09/17/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by wtf yourself, cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

#20080998
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (1531)

On 09/20/2012 at 5:34pm - health - by fuckalltwitardsintheface (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

#20072449
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27791) - you deserved it (2505)

On 09/15/2012 at 1:35am - intimacy - by anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

#20061927
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27789) - you deserved it (3205)

On 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm - work - by PuddlePirate (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

#20058884
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27748) - you deserved it (2881)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:27pm - money - by Lauraborealous - Canada (Alberta)



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