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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24028) - you deserved it (2792)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24022) - you deserved it (1878)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out my husband has been talking to another woman on Facebook. His only defense was "I thought I deleted the messages." FML

#20051914
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24018) - you deserved it (2666)

On 09/01/2012 at 2:02am - love - by gmac0417 - United States

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

#20087510
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23966) - you deserved it (2329)

On 09/25/2012 at 12:13am - health - by N/A (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

#20058422
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (1538)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by holymoly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23955) - you deserved it (3659)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

#20060753
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23854) - you deserved it (1682)

On 09/06/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23761) - you deserved it (2046)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

#20067454
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23758) - you deserved it (3408)

On 09/11/2012 at 11:08am - health - by Stevski (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

#20070089
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (3879)

On 09/13/2012 at 10:31am - kids - by PissOffPottermore (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

#20086071
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23733) - you deserved it (1389)

On 09/24/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by Hello Nurse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23689) - you deserved it (4113)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

#20058507
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23644) - you deserved it (4681)

On 09/05/2012 at 4:14am - love - by steve (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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