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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

#20052266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24443) - you deserved it (1572)

On 09/01/2012 at 10:09am - health - by iliveintexas - United States (Texas)

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

#20088791
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24417) - you deserved it (2822)

On 09/25/2012 at 9:48pm - intimacy - by kiwi2323 (woman) - United States

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

#20052963
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24363) - you deserved it (1542)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:15pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

#20087854
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24245) - you deserved it (4299)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24241) - you deserved it (2104)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24238) - you deserved it (2745)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

#20077204
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24226) - you deserved it (1914)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:25am - love - by daughter (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

#20074793
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24142) - you deserved it (2365)

On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24118) - you deserved it (2801)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

#20084656
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24116) - you deserved it (1512)

On 09/23/2012 at 4:14am - misc - by Hairless freak - United States (California)

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (1884)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

#20058422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24063) - you deserved it (1548)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by holymoly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24048) - you deserved it (3665)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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