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Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

#650213
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15103) - you deserved it (136417)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13483) - you deserved it (135765)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40987) - you deserved it (135655)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML

#214447
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52670) - you deserved it (134753)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing Farmville all day, and I was really into the game. I was getting phone calls all day, but I kept ignoring them cause I was making so much Farm Money. Come to find out it was my son's school. He fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. FML

#5970435
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9405) - you deserved it (134207)

On 10/24/2009 at 3:25am - kids - by stewhart (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML

#312852
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (134067)

On 03/13/2009 at 10:57pm - money - by goddamnit (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

#20691094
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26528) - you deserved it (134007)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18036) - you deserved it (132709)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

#15753750
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12160) - you deserved it (132543)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:01am - health - by sadcase - Australia

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22255) - you deserved it (131992)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14028) - you deserved it (131589)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

#310419
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15059) - you deserved it (131589)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
371 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48457) - you deserved it (129286)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)



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