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Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38564) - you deserved it (129490)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

#20691094
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25569) - you deserved it (129407)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17870) - you deserved it (128669)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

#12294723
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10434) - you deserved it (128374)

On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11679) - you deserved it (128195)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20977) - you deserved it (127857)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16642) - you deserved it (126750)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

#1018681
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15010) - you deserved it (126034)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:21pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML

#312852
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (125982)

On 03/13/2009 at 10:57pm - money - by goddamnit (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12640) - you deserved it (125456)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing Farmville all day, and I was really into the game. I was getting phone calls all day, but I kept ignoring them cause I was making so much Farm Money. Come to find out it was my son's school. He fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. FML

#5970435
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7937) - you deserved it (124880)

On 10/24/2009 at 3:25am - kids - by stewhart (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

#15753750
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10677) - you deserved it (124790)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:01am - health - by sadcase - Australia

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34209) - you deserved it (124659)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)



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