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Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

#19901344
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26945) - you deserved it (1649) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/06/2012 at 6:14pm - misc - by Lyn (woman) - France

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

#20110486
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24443) - you deserved it (1649)

On 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm - misc - by tiredofthis - United States (Tennessee)

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

#19653798
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (1648)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

#19756673
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28018) - you deserved it (1648)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm - misc - by somebody - United States (Maryland)

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

#19840064
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (1647)

On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

#20062839
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21011) - you deserved it (1647)

On 09/08/2012 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

#20024961
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25962) - you deserved it (1646)

On 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received a call from the company I applied to, only to have my father pick it up and make fun of the man's accent. They won't call me back or take any of my calls, and my dad is completely unapologetic. FML

#19384586
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23831) - you deserved it (1643)

On 03/31/2012 at 9:00pm - work - by Bashit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

#20198811
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:41am - love - by slenderman908 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25720) - you deserved it (1641)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

#20035629
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22048) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm - misc - by ZAS (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

#20025166
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

#3036
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44861) - you deserved it (1638)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:42am - misc - by kiddo - United States (Illinois)



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