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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28412) - you deserved it (3294)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30027) - you deserved it (3294)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

#21255951
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38526) - you deserved it (3294)

On 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by no - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

#21484236
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22505) - you deserved it (3294)

On 10/25/2015 at 3:00pm - health - by dancincherrychic - United States (California)

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

#6252337
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52264) - you deserved it (3293)

On 11/11/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by noexceptions (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

#16882996
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50684) - you deserved it (3293)

On 06/27/2011 at 3:20pm - love - by Drunken Sailor - United States (New York)

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

#18067160
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25603) - you deserved it (3293)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:33pm - work - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

#18488373
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (3293)

On 12/11/2011 at 8:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

#20613283
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50679) - you deserved it (3293)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by shatMyself - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

#21308826
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31540) - you deserved it (3293)

On 11/30/2014 at 3:24pm - misc - by Nose Numb - United States

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

#21336365
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37689) - you deserved it (3293)

On 01/13/2015 at 11:25am - love - by can't win - Australia

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

#2588654
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50236) - you deserved it (3292)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:52am - money - by doubledown (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

#13491
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28329) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/07/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by chichi (woman) - United States (Florida)



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