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Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

#21314514
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32279) - you deserved it (2843)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

#2709098
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65615) - you deserved it (2842)

On 06/08/2009 at 12:08am - love - by .... (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old adopted daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She had had a nightmare, and I read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

#3768718
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62202) - you deserved it (2843)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:02am - kids - by me (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML

#19484491
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25980) - you deserved it (2843)

On 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

#19243169
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30535) - you deserved it (2842)

On 03/08/2012 at 11:53pm - health - by radiating (woman) -

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

#19385942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23632) - you deserved it (2842)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:32am - work - by Kristat (woman) - United States

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

#20883990
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63411) - you deserved it (2842)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - health - by somethingblue - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

#21271247
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40210) - you deserved it (2842)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:48pm - health - by Eww - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

#8541185
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23738) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:44am - health - by Username - United States

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23283) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

#21345740
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23181) - you deserved it (2841)

On 01/28/2015 at 6:18pm - work - by amyhyett - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

#21354669
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32270) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:25am - love - by Vampire Teabag - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

#1663
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17951) - you deserved it (2840)

On 01/18/2009 at 8:01pm - misc - by frankie - Canada (Ontario)



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