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Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

#20177082
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17549) - you deserved it (2549)

On 11/24/2012 at 7:25pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

#20543737
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34581) - you deserved it (2549)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML

#21227846
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35608) - you deserved it (2549)

On 08/02/2014 at 7:44pm - misc - by porkabye (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

#8758514
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21113) - you deserved it (2548)

On 03/01/2010 at 9:24pm - love - by pizzafaceinc (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

#20067220
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33035) - you deserved it (2548)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

#20107548
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20601) - you deserved it (2548)

On 10/08/2012 at 2:57pm - love - by habsgurl0622 - United States (Alabama)

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

#20187648
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25896) - you deserved it (2548)

On 12/02/2012 at 5:16am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53215) - you deserved it (2547)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

#2741
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16273) - you deserved it (2546)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:32pm - love - by kai - United States (California)

Today, like all days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice; but today he decided to bring this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family 'brave' enough to go fetch our cat's gift. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML

#8309732
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22340) - you deserved it (2546)

On 02/15/2010 at 7:08pm - animals - by Mary (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was dumped at the surprise party I threw for my boyfriend. FML

#7353752
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34129) - you deserved it (2546)

On 01/15/2010 at 3:49am - love - by TanjinaRubbaiyat (woman) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

#7708774
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38597) - you deserved it (2546)

On 01/30/2010 at 1:59pm - love - by hahahaha090114 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

#14153644
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24872) - you deserved it (2546)

On 12/10/2010 at 12:21pm - health - by pukathlon - United States (New Hampshire)



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