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Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

#18072283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33676) - you deserved it (2807)

On 10/25/2011 at 2:04pm - kids - by mew - Canada

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (2807)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

#5539154
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32881) - you deserved it (2806)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:57pm - work - by justfired (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18589) - you deserved it (2806)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

#17566014
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30608) - you deserved it (2806)

On 08/24/2011 at 4:03am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son told me he needed a haircut. I was thrilled that he actually requested it, since he normally throws a fit over getting them. He described the cut he wants. It's a mullet. FML

#19523693
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22874) - you deserved it (2806)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:59pm - kids - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

#3085922
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52704) - you deserved it (2805)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:05am - intimacy - by Steph (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

#3603925
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54059) - you deserved it (2805)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by lady_jeni - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

#17787359
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36863) - you deserved it (2805)

On 09/20/2011 at 10:56am - work - by PC Jones (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

#20429358
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29711) - you deserved it (2805)

On 12/29/2012 at 2:33am - love - by nosleep (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

#2447996
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57044) - you deserved it (2804)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:37pm - love - by anoymus (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

#6118488
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28021) - you deserved it (2804)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML



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