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Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

#14774020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34619) - you deserved it (3127)

On 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm - kids - by Joey - United States (California)

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

#15128111
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (3127)

On 02/26/2011 at 4:53pm - misc - by BackToRehab - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

#16479065
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26868) - you deserved it (3127)

On 06/03/2011 at 2:25am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

#19448273
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37862) - you deserved it (3127)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:53am - health - by Scabby (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

#20770230
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31785) - you deserved it (3127)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by Not Mrs Soprano (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

#21406879
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25106) - you deserved it (3127)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:32pm - health - by better late than never -

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

#2987293
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50223) - you deserved it (3126)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

#6436663
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28594) - you deserved it (3126)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:07pm - health - by Foodcomesfirst (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

#12386734
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40070) - you deserved it (3126)

On 08/08/2010 at 4:49am - love - by LadyGagasLOVER (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31153) - you deserved it (3126)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

#21198585
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44745) - you deserved it (3126)

On 07/04/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

#3611862
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53429) - you deserved it (3125)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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