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Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

#16999311
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27513) - you deserved it (3292)

On 07/06/2011 at 11:21am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

#20101222
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28362) - you deserved it (3292)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44am - love - by Dave (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

#20868496
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44309) - you deserved it (3292)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30452) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

#13153122
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31850) - you deserved it (3291)

On 09/22/2010 at 3:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

#16676929
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42930) - you deserved it (3291)

On 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm - health - by Braxam - United States

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

#19956706
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33167) - you deserved it (3291)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51392) - you deserved it (3291)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (3290)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

#20758869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38925) - you deserved it (3290)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:37pm - misc - by AwkwardPotato - United States (California)

Today, the family in the apartment next to me decided to give their 4-year-old kid a recorder. It's been three hours. Kill me. FML

#21127541
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37812) - you deserved it (3290)

On 04/30/2014 at 10:13pm - kids - by pleasestop (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

#8587618
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26622) - you deserved it (3289)

On 02/23/2010 at 1:09pm - misc - by disgusted - United States (Georgia)

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

#12949707
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32737) - you deserved it (3289)

On 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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