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Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

#21324616
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27569) - you deserved it (3410)

On 12/26/2014 at 9:58am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

#21273346
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39808) - you deserved it (3410)

On 10/08/2014 at 5:01am - misc - by rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, after handing over the cash to buy my sister's car off her, she refused to sign any of the paperwork, and later put an ad on Craigslist selling the same car. I got scammed by my own sister. FML

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

#12695884
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39760) - you deserved it (3409)

On 08/23/2010 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

#21389410
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (3409)

On 04/07/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

#577
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27568) - you deserved it (3408)

On 12/23/2008 at 1:47am - misc - by zazadudu - Sent from mobile version

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

#1979778
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51409) - you deserved it (3408)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

#4647409
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47436) - you deserved it (3408)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:55am - love - by fuuuudge (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

#7379683
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35846) - you deserved it (3408)

On 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm - health - by dire-rear (woman) - Singapore

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

#16031811
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40381) - you deserved it (3408)

On 05/03/2011 at 12:32pm - love - by moetplease - Singapore

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

#21007851
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42520) - you deserved it (3408)

On 12/28/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

#13442397
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39468) - you deserved it (3407)

On 10/14/2010 at 3:15am - misc - by A. - United States



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