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Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

#18936748
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38327) - you deserved it (2949)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm - misc - by Come on - United States

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

#18751726
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27847) - you deserved it (2949)

On 01/08/2012 at 10:43pm - love - by shades (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21211) - you deserved it (2949)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

#12782393
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28793) - you deserved it (2948)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

#18827705
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28669) - you deserved it (2948)

On 01/16/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by Cathy - United States

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

#19959612
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25393) - you deserved it (2948)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46770) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

#20953468
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34716) - you deserved it (2948)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by PainStressLife - United States (California)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42421) - you deserved it (2948)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

#16613518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30965) - you deserved it (2947)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by Macy (woman) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38388) - you deserved it (2947)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

#20947649
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35312) - you deserved it (2947)

On 11/06/2013 at 11:33am - kids - by TheMommas (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38731) - you deserved it (2946)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



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