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Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38862) - you deserved it (3068)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

#14792187
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27208) - you deserved it (3068)

On 01/31/2011 at 10:11pm - misc - by joxerthemighty39 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

#19123444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19411) - you deserved it (3068)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm - animals - by good_gravy (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22719) - you deserved it (3068)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

#21008373
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40864) - you deserved it (3068)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

#7870417
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22156) - you deserved it (3067)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:40am - health - by littlespoon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

#11808834
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33657) - you deserved it (3067)

On 07/11/2010 at 10:44am - work - by alejandro38 - United States (New York)

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

#17253464
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27704) - you deserved it (3067)

On 07/25/2011 at 12:08pm - money - by tim12345 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML

#18534349
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40372) - you deserved it (3067)

On 12/17/2011 at 8:17am - love - by fmll - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31308) - you deserved it (3067)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

#20897726
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38909) - you deserved it (3067)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:56am - health - by awkwardology - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

#21219731
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40341) - you deserved it (3067)

On 07/24/2014 at 10:04pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

#5565703
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33317) - you deserved it (3066)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Rockyio (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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