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Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

#20859797
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36374) - you deserved it (2424)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:11am - work - by Parental Support - United States (Maryland)

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

#20899435
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35608) - you deserved it (2424)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by ouharguohargssdf (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

#761537
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59044) - you deserved it (2423)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

#4709917
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31279) - you deserved it (2424)

On 08/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

#7728542
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17890) - you deserved it (2423)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

#7884126
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23695) - you deserved it (2423)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:47pm - kids - by luciaspiano (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, this guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

#14779228
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31377) - you deserved it (2423)

On 01/30/2011 at 9:03pm - misc - by madelynn (woman) - United States

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

#20997770
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43273) - you deserved it (2423)

On 12/19/2013 at 4:09am - work - by wasted time - United States

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

#1749073
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46810) - you deserved it (2422)

On 05/08/2009 at 2:14pm - misc - by Aisu (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

#15194289
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30234) - you deserved it (2422)

On 03/04/2011 at 4:22am - health - by Brandon Butler -

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

#19349740
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22756) - you deserved it (2422)

On 03/26/2012 at 5:11am - intimacy - by pmek - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24265) - you deserved it (2422)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)



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