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Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30331) - you deserved it (3286)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

#21417809
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (975) - you deserved it (3302)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by smartass - United States (Texas)

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

#15618704
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35180) - you deserved it (3285)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:32am - misc - by Trainspotting - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

#16781053
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35350) - you deserved it (3285)

On 06/21/2011 at 12:52pm - work - by micheal - United States

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53517) - you deserved it (3285)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

#19173596
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23083) - you deserved it (3285)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

#19566748
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23712) - you deserved it (3285)

On 05/03/2012 at 12:39am - love - by homealone (man) - Canada

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

#20978372
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43944) - you deserved it (3285)

On 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by rick - United States (Alabama)

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

#21309261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30813) - you deserved it (3285)

On 12/01/2014 at 2:30am - money - by shitty candles - United States (Washington)

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

#21382206
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23679) - you deserved it (3285)

On 03/27/2015 at 1:31am - misc - by an anon - United States (California)

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

#17131745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33196) - you deserved it (3284)

On 07/16/2011 at 2:23am - money - by Tanner - United States (Tennessee)

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

#17927200
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26875) - you deserved it (3284)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:58am - work - by Dr.Octopus454 (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

#19990004
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (3284)

On 07/29/2012 at 12:25am - love - by Anonymous - Denmark (Sjelland)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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