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Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

#16943359
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33529) - you deserved it (3237)

On 07/02/2011 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

#20978372
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43330) - you deserved it (3237)

On 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by rick - United States (Alabama)

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

#21349786
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27128) - you deserved it (3237)

On 02/04/2015 at 4:49pm - misc - by jl_word - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (3236)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

#16371411
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30011) - you deserved it (3236)

On 05/27/2011 at 11:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

#16542876
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29076) - you deserved it (3237)

On 06/07/2011 at 5:28am - love - by S. Tucker - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43023) - you deserved it (3236)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

#20797503
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47840) - you deserved it (3236)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

#21387249
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (3238)

On 04/03/2015 at 9:57pm - intimacy - by lameows - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

#12682648
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35277) - you deserved it (3235)

On 08/22/2010 at 1:02pm - love - by mollyeyers - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34242) - you deserved it (3235)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

#20787656
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48526) - you deserved it (3235)

On 07/17/2013 at 1:22am - health - by :-( - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

#20995711
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36695) - you deserved it (3235)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)



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