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Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

#2401768
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47953) - you deserved it (3304)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jazzyfayyye (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30384) - you deserved it (3304)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46379) - you deserved it (3304)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to the allergist. I found out that I am allergic to dogs, cats, wool, fleece, and pet dander. I'm currently planning to go to school to become a veterinarian. FML

#6054413
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37626) - you deserved it (3303)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:36pm - work - by KMack (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

#6668848
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22443) - you deserved it (3303)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

#20991671
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41585) - you deserved it (3303)

On 12/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by thank u usa (man) - Germany

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30381) - you deserved it (3303)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

#7103723
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (3302)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by xxxzzzooo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22673) - you deserved it (3302)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked: "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

#10918883
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29071) - you deserved it (3302)

On 06/02/2010 at 11:05am - misc - by Kagura - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

#14630970
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21449) - you deserved it (3302)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29299) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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