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Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

#21335287
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26991) - you deserved it (3413)

On 01/11/2015 at 7:39pm - love - by janegeorge (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

#21202148
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38558) - you deserved it (3413)

On 07/07/2014 at 9:41pm - health - by egged - Singapore

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76644) - you deserved it (3412)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

#4709917
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39047) - you deserved it (3412)

On 08/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42873) - you deserved it (3412)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

#15946238
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (3412)

On 04/27/2011 at 6:50am - health - by c.m.g. -

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#20735044
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54044) - you deserved it (3412)

On 06/19/2013 at 11:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

#13634091
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (3411)

On 10/29/2010 at 12:48am - love - by lovegotmehung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

#15919542
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33546) - you deserved it (3411)

On 04/25/2011 at 1:02pm - work - by lpspann87 - United States (Florida)

Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML

#20982595
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36502) - you deserved it (3412)

On 12/06/2013 at 7:21am - health - by linzl00 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28679) - you deserved it (3411)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

#6415288
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31998) - you deserved it (3410)

On 11/22/2009 at 11:30pm - love - by petlover (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

#14702634
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24392) - you deserved it (3410)

On 01/24/2011 at 9:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)



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