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Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

#19410577
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36321) - you deserved it (2995)

On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

#20797672
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44603) - you deserved it (2996)

On 07/22/2013 at 2:30pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36676) - you deserved it (2995)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

#1842179
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58277) - you deserved it (2994)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

#12807710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26974) - you deserved it (2994)

On 08/29/2010 at 4:37pm - work - by xharuki - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

#8894345
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33303) - you deserved it (2994)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by woopdeedo_1 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20308) - you deserved it (2994)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41431) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

#14610612
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43881) - you deserved it (2993) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

#17672212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28960) - you deserved it (2993)

On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

#13525218
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25019) - you deserved it (2992)

On 10/20/2010 at 2:08pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was my birthday. I got ONE birthday greeting: from my bank, telling me they were closing my account. FML

#14785892
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28843) - you deserved it (2992)

On 01/31/2011 at 8:55am - misc - by Micawber - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

#20895886
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31719) - you deserved it (2992)

On 09/25/2013 at 6:12pm - love - by cinemasaddo (man) - United Kingdom



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