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Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

#7925125
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30454) - you deserved it (3035)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:27am - animals - by btg - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

#8892193
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24455) - you deserved it (3035)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by workinggirl (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

#12649118
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38269) - you deserved it (3035)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm - animals - by therealducktape - Sent from mobile version

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

#19303310
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26334) - you deserved it (3035)

On 03/18/2012 at 8:51pm - money - by liver (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

#20062636
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18958) - you deserved it (3035)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by wonder woman (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35042) - you deserved it (3035)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

#4421070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39985) - you deserved it (3034)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Ghana (Volta)

Today, while coming back from skiing, a woman asked me if I could help her carry her stroller. I put my skis down and helped her. When I came back to pick my skis up, I saw two guys running away with my gear. You try chasing someone while wearing ski boots. FML

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78637) - you deserved it (3033)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

#6983877
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33667) - you deserved it (3033)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

#10841820
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37494) - you deserved it (3033)

On 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm - misc - by thanksmum (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

#18856263
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you deserved it (3033)

On 01/19/2012 at 8:46pm - love - by Alejandroc - Honduras (Cortes)

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML



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