Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

by me / 09/07/2011 at 7:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Love

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 8:28pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

by datingamoron / 02/14/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

by Username / 08/15/2011 at 5:38pm / United States / Health

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

by Gangnam / 11/16/2012 at 10:52am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

by Jade / 08/21/2013 at 8:09pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

by SickMaMa / 12/09/2014 at 5:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

by GeeThanks / 07/24/2013 at 10:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML