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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML

#18253944
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33818) - you deserved it (3297)

On 11/15/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by whoopsboutthecap - United States

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30321) - you deserved it (3297)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

#20854690
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34753) - you deserved it (3297)

On 08/26/2013 at 1:51am - work - by luvmypony (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

#20910835
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38963) - you deserved it (3297)

On 10/07/2013 at 11:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

#21284412
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41863) - you deserved it (3297)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38303) - you deserved it (3297)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

#14600562
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (3296)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:17pm - money - by jetlagged (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

#16377162
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26485) - you deserved it (3296)

On 05/27/2011 at 8:04pm - misc - by moron - United States

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

#21217678
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40941) - you deserved it (3296)

On 07/22/2014 at 8:51pm - work - by Inthedumps (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

#21310909
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (3296)

On 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by crazy cat lady - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

#21324616
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26598) - you deserved it (3296)

On 12/26/2014 at 9:58am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

#879830
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77368) - you deserved it (3295)

On 04/09/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by fedlife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

#6366534
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35056) - you deserved it (3295)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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