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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40330) - you deserved it (3769)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

#21380708
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29401) - you deserved it (3769)

On 03/24/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by faaail - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

#4867119
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83913) - you deserved it (3768)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

#18118791
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30907) - you deserved it (3768)

On 10/31/2011 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Hollywoodanonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

#71
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52896) - you deserved it (3767)

On 10/26/2008 at 10:22pm - misc - by Noalixah - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

#6084387
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30781) - you deserved it (3767)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Morgannaken (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

#18422045
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30477) - you deserved it (3767)

On 12/03/2011 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by sugarbeet - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45999) - you deserved it (3767)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

#21492969
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25393) - you deserved it (3767)

On 11/15/2015 at 9:34pm - misc - by Potted - United States (Texas)

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

#6339053
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (3766)

On 11/17/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by Chriso (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

#20066095
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20276) - you deserved it (3766)

On 09/10/2012 at 8:48am - misc - by liquidknight - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

#14075452
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25870) - you deserved it (3766)

On 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

#13432971
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45683) - you deserved it (3766)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Brunei Darussalam



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