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Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

#7264308
184 comments

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

#7642082
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28089) - you deserved it (3352)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:55pm - kids - by jmitch1209 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

#15768228
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42235) - you deserved it (3352)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:07am - misc - by CollegeBoy (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

#18847720
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25727) - you deserved it (3352)

On 01/18/2012 at 8:54pm - work - by iliterallypoopedmyself (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

#20458436
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27985) - you deserved it (3352)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:51am - misc - by living_thedream (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47519) - you deserved it (3352)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

#4106793
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54007) - you deserved it (3351)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:12pm - health - by broken (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

#6381623
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26139) - you deserved it (3351)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23141) - you deserved it (3352)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

#14716762
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28196) - you deserved it (3351)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:45am - misc - by SLOMan90 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

#14325917
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30130) - you deserved it (3351)

On 12/24/2010 at 5:32pm - misc - by hahahano (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

#16078669
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25143) - you deserved it (3351)

On 05/07/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by K. - United States (Florida)

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

#17742540
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34794) - you deserved it (3351)

On 09/14/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by jumpedjogger - United States (Georgia)



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