Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30470) - you deserved it (3797)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

#69964
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48431) - you deserved it (3796)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm - kids - by Spotted (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

#6823511
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28593) - you deserved it (3796)

On 12/19/2009 at 2:39am - work - by Hareega (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40707) - you deserved it (3796)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

#21093159
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (3796)

On 03/22/2014 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

#1283810
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68061) - you deserved it (3795)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:18am - love - by sad (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

#4071557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46278) - you deserved it (3795)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

#6049494
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32486) - you deserved it (3795)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:11am - love - by lds124 (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

#20524817
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31437) - you deserved it (3795)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:42pm - misc - by forgotten - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

#21472860
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23380) - you deserved it (3795)

On 09/26/2015 at 8:08am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

#6433676
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29963) - you deserved it (3794)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:49am - love - by Lonely (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

#6310965
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38001) - you deserved it (3794)

On 11/15/2009 at 9:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

#7145506
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25319) - you deserved it (3794)

On 01/04/2010 at 12:52pm - health - by Wally (man) - Mexico



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: