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Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

#176117
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45977) - you deserved it (3808)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:31pm - work - by bottlepoppin (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

#6343049
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26820) - you deserved it (3807)

On 11/17/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by shellbom (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

#6663134
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29893) - you deserved it (3807)

On 12/08/2009 at 10:19am - health - by redcherries90 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

#7333121
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32237) - you deserved it (3807)

On 01/14/2010 at 1:45am - love - by handlin (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and get a job so we can get married, because then he'll have enough money to buy the truck he's had his eyes on for our whole relationship. FML

#13304586
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26698) - you deserved it (3807)

On 10/03/2010 at 2:34pm - money - by Ginger - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

#15550416
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38079) - you deserved it (3807)

On 03/29/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you deserved it (3807)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

#21230823
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43600) - you deserved it (3807)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:21am - kids - by We raised that fool (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

#142
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64173) - you deserved it (3806)

On 10/29/2008 at 7:57am - kids - by LifeSucks - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

#13938957
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27644) - you deserved it (3806)

On 11/22/2010 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

#16837631
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30640) - you deserved it (3806)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:11pm - kids - by Username - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

#17729404
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36753) - you deserved it (3806)

On 09/12/2011 at 5:37pm - misc - by siikman313 - United States (New York)

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

#20077908
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32325) - you deserved it (3806)

On 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm - kids - by unfortunateMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)



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