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Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

by NoseInPain / 08/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

by ididntevendrinkthatnight / 06/07/2013 at 1:14am / United States (New York) / Money

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

by ZAS / 06/15/2009 at 3:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

by bellaellaella / 09/22/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

by Samuel / 05/21/2010 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

by anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

by nightowl506 / 11/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

by me / 12/05/2011 at 3:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 8:37am / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

by Ryan / 02/07/2010 at 9:18am / Work