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Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

#21323893
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33589) - you deserved it (3485)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

#11111501
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47269) - you deserved it (3484)

On 06/10/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by dominator152 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

#14981056
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30007) - you deserved it (3484)

On 02/14/2011 at 10:07pm - love - by moe (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting the my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

#17407714
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29225) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:12pm - misc - by yupppp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

#21065125
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41162) - you deserved it (3484)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:12am - work - by Dsark (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

#18358033
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70395) - you deserved it (3483)

On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49355) - you deserved it (3483)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

#6377384
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28564) - you deserved it (3482)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

#14716762
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29801) - you deserved it (3482)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:45am - misc - by SLOMan90 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51040) - you deserved it (3482)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

#21015718
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39280) - you deserved it (3482)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:36pm - misc - by estranger (woman) - United States

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

#21154891
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46249) - you deserved it (3482)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by chubbs - United States (California)



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