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Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

by JD / 10/08/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

by notateen / 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

by rplovez / 09/05/2011 at 7:14pm / Canada / Transportation

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

by nicoleee / 03/29/2012 at 4:16pm / United States / Work

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

by yosenfal / 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

by Jpev / 05/11/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United States / Love

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

by helpme / 01/15/2013 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

by josh / 01/23/2009 at 7:33am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML