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Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

#14249095
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23731) - you deserved it (3116)

On 12/18/2010 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

#15702411
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41452) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:02am - love - by WhatTheBleep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

#17966931
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20590) - you deserved it (3116)

On 10/12/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by octoberrain - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

#18504719
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24953) - you deserved it (3116)

On 12/13/2011 at 5:43pm - work - by thathottchickk - United States (Washington)

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

#21006901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33364) - you deserved it (3116)

On 12/27/2013 at 1:40am - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

#20807935
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42429) - you deserved it (3115)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo (man) - United States

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

#20917232
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42410) - you deserved it (3115)

On 10/12/2013 at 2:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

#1144667
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78114) - you deserved it (3114)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

#3611862
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53086) - you deserved it (3114)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48246) - you deserved it (3114)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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