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Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44042) - you deserved it (3121)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

#17973930
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (3121)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

#18316439
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32870) - you deserved it (3121)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24089) - you deserved it (3121)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

#20883989
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45922) - you deserved it (3122)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by I have wood (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

#63875
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35701) - you deserved it (3120)

On 02/17/2009 at 9:52pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

#12538079
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27841) - you deserved it (3120)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:05pm - health - by shinee - Singapore

Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML

#14738891
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27913) - you deserved it (3120)

On 01/28/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by kittyd (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

#19817734
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25119) - you deserved it (3120)

On 06/20/2012 at 8:46am - work - by notanidiot - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

#5657528
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33375) - you deserved it (3119)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:38am - money - by poorcar (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I've been unemployed for a year. For the last six months I had been trying for a good paying job at a great company, who kept saying they would hire me when the economy improves. Three weeks ago I gave up and moved 2 hours away. Guess who just called to finally offer me a job. FML

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

#13684464
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21797) - you deserved it (3119)

On 11/02/2010 at 3:13am - animals - by treats - Singapore

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

#15049361
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31578) - you deserved it (3119)

On 02/20/2011 at 6:49am - work - by lisha182 - Australia (New South Wales)



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