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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

#11111501
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47212) - you deserved it (3480)

On 06/10/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by dominator152 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

#20706851
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55769) - you deserved it (3480)

On 06/05/2013 at 1:02am - love - by Justme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50997) - you deserved it (3480)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

#199047
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65802) - you deserved it (3479)

On 03/03/2009 at 7:18pm - work - by samantha (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

#14716762
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29769) - you deserved it (3479)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:45am - misc - by SLOMan90 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37073) - you deserved it (3479)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

#21154891
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46224) - you deserved it (3480)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by chubbs - United States (California)

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

#6377384
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28522) - you deserved it (3478)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

#14524101
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34099) - you deserved it (3478)

On 01/09/2011 at 7:19pm - health - by curlyisnogood -

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

#18302011
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44914) - you deserved it (3479)

On 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm - kids - by brokeandalone (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

#12998632
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (3477)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

#15495668
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44753) - you deserved it (3477)

On 03/26/2011 at 8:05am - work - by dinomite -

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

#17526704
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60547) - you deserved it (3477)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:26am - love - by AlwaysGottaFML - United States (North Carolina)



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