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Tuesday 2 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51547) - you deserved it (20771)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65682) - you deserved it (21361)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51056) - you deserved it (4865)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58249) - you deserved it (4591)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

#20760666
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64739) - you deserved it (5188)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm - love - by Jenn (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43106) - you deserved it (11284)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

#20764588
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62976) - you deserved it (3641)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

#20761484
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66728) - you deserved it (4239)

On 07/03/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Nicks - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52932) - you deserved it (9435)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47871) - you deserved it (9967)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24205) - you deserved it (62744)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

#20767424
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49014) - you deserved it (2966)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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