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Tuesday 19 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

#20556205
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44578) - you deserved it (3304)

On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48641) - you deserved it (14460)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31520) - you deserved it (5918)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52663) - you deserved it (12440)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51871) - you deserved it (6275)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

#20560035
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40286) - you deserved it (6850)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35937) - you deserved it (4744)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41015) - you deserved it (8735) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49366) - you deserved it (22050)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

#20554170
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47776) - you deserved it (3191)

On 03/21/2013 at 8:35pm - love - by SmallAngel (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48805) - you deserved it (6288)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

#20556107
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50466) - you deserved it (3234)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42712) - you deserved it (6271)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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