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Saturday 16 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

#20542666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36231) - you deserved it (5536)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

#20556707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50925) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

#20550992
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36643) - you deserved it (4285)

On 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

#20552400
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44041) - you deserved it (5082)

On 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Tired (man) - United States

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

#20543527
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41930) - you deserved it (10183)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

#20541897
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38372) - you deserved it (4543)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

#20542280
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32234) - you deserved it (5794)

On 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm - misc - by bruised - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

#20546016
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (7187)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32556) - you deserved it (2907)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

#20553905
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39219) - you deserved it (3941)

On 03/21/2013 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML

#20544812
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35942) - you deserved it (4810)

On 03/15/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29606) - you deserved it (8423)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

#20548229
167 comments


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