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Sunday 3 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

#20526945
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27481) - you deserved it (2370)

On 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by cthulhu help me (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

#20531724
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35889) - you deserved it (4359)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

#20536189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26863) - you deserved it (3546)

On 03/08/2013 at 7:38pm - misc - by fuck you, gran (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

#20522701
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31005) - you deserved it (3346)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:21am - health - by Brook (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35460) - you deserved it (5341)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

#20534364
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37437) - you deserved it (2214)

On 03/07/2013 at 3:17am - work - by crap - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

#20535268
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31467) - you deserved it (7284)

On 03/07/2013 at 10:53pm - love - by hoolabaloo (woman) - India (Gujarat)

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

#20538687
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32788) - you deserved it (2545)

On 03/10/2013 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

#20525412
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31632) - you deserved it (2237)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:02am - misc - by catdog552 - United States

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

#20531281
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27127) - you deserved it (2345)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:41pm - misc - by ihatemakingnames (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML

#20536129
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35457) - you deserved it (8567)

On 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by marriage/celibacy/synonymity (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

#20521204
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36437) - you deserved it (6672)

On 02/25/2013 at 1:10am - love - by Gullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

#20521313
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32082) - you deserved it (3183)

On 02/25/2013 at 3:33am - love - by vat (man) - Hong Kong



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